3.10.2007

I like tough questions

I like hard questions.

Strange but true.

When I was in College myself and a few good friends would go to 3-4 Worship services a week in addition to the Schools chapels. We were preaching junkies.

I decided that I needed to hear as much teaching as possible, because I was unsure of what was true. I was raised Reformed, but I went to a Hyper-Dispensational School. So there came a point where I had to abandon everything I though was true to avoid my head splitting in 2. Everything but Pre-destination, I never agreed with that in the first place.

So I listened to as much preaching as I could, I even sat in my room and downloaded sermons for fun. That might explain my bizarre sense of humor

I guess I was looking for the truth and I needed someone else to show me, because everything I knew was waring within. I would listen and take notes like my life depended on it. Or maybe it was my faith.

I was ready to walk away, and in fact I did walk away from 2 different churches because what they were preaching didn't match what they were doing. It wasn't their theology that bothered me it was their theology not matching their actions. The problem with that, is that the longer I'm in any church the more I see it everywhere. There is not a church that hasn't hurt people, and there isn't a preacher who hasn't offended.

Anyway, I listened to 1 preacher specifically because he always asked hard questions, but he warned you first. All I can remember is his first name, Lee. He always challenged me (us) to look deep into my heart before I responded to his questions. Because If I didn't answer honestly and deeply I wasn't doing myself any good and I was lying to God about my condition.

I'm not sure where the tendency comes from but I've almost always been unhappy with myself. With who I am. With where I am. With my direction. Tough questions make me squirmish, sure, but they help me grow, they help me move, they remind me that the core of the Gospel is the fact that people can change. If I couldn't Christ died for nothing, he should have stayed home. But he didn't stay silent, He came and Spoke.

So I like tough questions because they make me more like Christ.

I long to be like Christ. I see rebelliousness in my every move some days. Like it's oozing out of my pores. I'm addicted to my own miss-direction. Jesus was obedient to his Father's will to the very last, when he knew in his gut that he was going to die if he followed this path and he didn't waver. I'm not sure I could follow His will like that.

Would You?

Peace

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