I'm not sure completely why but this week has been awesome. I feel like someone turned the light on, I never realized the room it wasn't anymore.
So for a while now I've been struggling with my identity as a musician. I can't seem to find work leading worship, even though everyone tells me that's my strong point. So consequently I've been confused about it. Am I supposed to do this? is this really my calling?
I also struggle with the quality of worship music. I spent a lot of time studying the art of songwriting and it feels like even the best worship songwriters haven't. They turn out songs that are catchy and easy to sing, but not very challenging musically or lyrically. Now the lack of musical depth I can understand if I don't agree, but the lack of lyrical depth is inexcusable. What is the point in writing if it's not intended to last?
Last week I was given a book "The Art of Worship" by Greg Sheer. Thus far it has been an insightful read. He talks a little bit about the difference between Hymns and Praise Songs. He says something along the lines of "Praise songs repeat an idea, where Hymns develop an idea. Neither is better, they're just different." When I read that, I realized why I was so frustrated with current worship music. We're having breakfast in worship instead of the feast it was meant to be. We're having the same Cap'n Crunch every Sunday, when we were meant to come and feast. Steak, Mom's Cheesy Potatoes, Broccoli with Cheese and Crackers, Chips and Dip, Deviled Eggs, Turkey wrapped around pickles, Get the idea?
Last night as I was driving home I stumbled onto 99.3 the Christian station. The DJ had Martin Smith of Delirious on the phone. He didn't give him much time to speak, but he didn't need to Martin's good like that. the DJ asked him about the current 'direction' of Christian Radio. Martin responded with "It's not about styles or even about lyrics, it's about praying for God's blessing. It's about writing good songs that connect to the heart of man."
Between these 2 moments I feel like I have a musical purpose again. Not to write worship songs, but it could manifest itself that way. Not to play in a praise band, but that'll happen again I'm sure. "To pray for God's blessing... To touch the heart of man"
Ahhhh, (takes a deep breath) so this is what it feels like to be at peace. It's been so long...