4.02.2007

Through a mirror, darkly

What is it about doing a job you don't enjoy that makes you question yourself and your direction?

Really? Why do I constantly walk around in a cloud of questions; Who am I? Where am I going? Is this really what I want to be doing?

I just might be having a quarter-life crisis.

I don't like the idea that I'm not in control. It's just not how I like to be. So I keep asking these questions, hoping that maybe this time I'll have an answer. I never do.

I've started working on my handwriting, because it's pretty bad. I've re-thought the way I express my self, in my songwriting and here in my blog. Maybe that's a good start? I dunno.

Some days I feel like God is the God of the Enlightenment. He made things and then just let them go. But then I hear about My Nephew Curtis getting better and my heart leaps. Or I see a movie like Amazing grace and my heart just breaks for people who are "no longer owned by God, but by a man" and I know that He didn't just wind up the clock, he's intimately involved.

Then why can't I hear him? Why won't he speak? Did I do something to drive him away?

One of the things that I believe about God is that he's bigger than my questions, and he even invites them when the answers bring me closer.

I guess I'm just waiting on some answers.

3 comments:

Andrew said...

I can see where you're coming from with the questions. When I wrote "Fallen from Faith", first movement of "Crisis of Conscieceness" It started coming from the questions I've been having at the time and times before. I hate waiting for the answers, but it's the only way to ever know.

Christopher said...

Dang, I was hoping it would be easier

JessicaLC said...

The problem is not- "Where is God? Why won't He answer me?" but--have I stopped listening? Have I been so busy asking questions that I forgot to stop and listen for the still small voice who is waiting for me to stop talking so He can--Answer.