Waiting is hard.
Waiting for something you want is harder.
Waiting for something you believe in is full of anticipation, excitement, and sometimes frustration.
Until recently it was mostly frustration. Anger occasionally, but mostly frustration. It felt like we weren't getting anywhere. Truth be told, we weren't getting anywhere. Stalled out. I had nothing to offer.
Then a door sorta cracked open. Like when your mom tucks you in at night and you ask to leave the door cracked. You can hear the TV, but you can't make anything out. You can see some light, but it's indirect, down the hallway.
So we tried to get involved at the church we were attending, hoping it could be more than just attending, but a home, at least until we found a job somewhere. It was like pulling teeth to get involved.
Now we're involved and waiting. We're leading, we're playing and we're loving it. We're getting plugged into an ABF and we're learning names. There's just this one thing; they're looking for a full time worship leader. This makes me want to run. Far.
It's not that I don't want the job. I do, that's the problem. I really don't want to have that conversation again. "We love you but we don't think you're right for the job"
That may very well be the straw that breaks my back.
So I pray for a sign, or a direction. I don't even have a feeling in my gut. Nothing. So I'm waiting again, waiting on me, or God, or someone to tell me which way to go and what to do.
I'm having a really hard time being patient. I've got next to nothing left to give if this doesn't turn out my way. Then what do I do? I'm not that plugged in that I can't uproot again, I'm just really tired of being blown around on the wind.
Pray for Peace
P.S. I'm listening to Toad the Wet Sprocket on Erica's Rhapsody Subscription. They make the waiting a little easier. Just a little mind you.