12.10.2008

when it hits so close to home that you have to move.

I've struggled a lot over the last few years with my calling. Did God call me to ministry or did I? Is 4 years long enough to search, fruitlessly, for a job or do I keep looking. Am I man enough to be faithful to God's direction?
A Few things have changed my view of this stuff.

First; my Mother's illness. In my darkest moment I contemplated how she saw me. Would I want my mother's last view of me to be of a man who gave up on God, or of a man who pursued him with my whole-heart. 

Second; I lead worship at FRC Sunday. God had been moving on my heart all week, but I had no idea that was coming. I mean, I knew I was leading worship, but I had no idea that I would feel the Holy Spirit forcefully. Pastor Greg had spoken (while we were planning worship) about an image of some one's faith being released, set free. I doubt he knew it would be mine.

Third; This post by Los. The last part rang true. "Wherever you are. You are only there because of God's graciousness and some humans tolerance." I'm reminded again that I'm learning more about leadership and how to lead at Circuit City than I ever have before. I even have this great opportunity to pour into the young men on my staff. 

So please pray for me. I feel God working on my heart in a way he has not done before. It used to be with great trepidation that I prayed "Here I am, Send me". I feel that less. The fear of the unknown is gone and the anger is leaving.