I was reminded Yesterday of what Forgiveness is. Forgiveness is recognizing that someone else owes me something and simply releasing them of that debt.
It was in college that I first got angry. I mean really angry. I had chosen a Christian school from a different theological stream than the one I swam in. I spent most of 5 years in fierce and heated debate over various issues. My first sememster was the most stressful, realizing that I was one of very few who disagreed with the doctrine being preached by this institution. I remember a Tuesday afternoon in October when I called my mom and literally cried over the phone because I just needed a release. (Relating this story to her Yesterday, my wife asked why I never transfered to a reformed school. I guess it just never occured to me. She suggested that it's just like Culver men and cars, which we are notorious for driving into the ground.)
As time stretched on I stopped agruing and started ignoring. I grew callouses over my heart because I didn't think I had any other choice. I made myself angry, justifying it by my spiritual 'oppression'. I really felt like I was in the right and being wronged. I felt like they owed me my time back, like they had somehow cheapened my spirituality and my education with their 'crooked' theology. (I did eventually grow beyond my theologyical upbringing, but into an ancient/modern faith, not a hyper-dispensational theology)
Forgiveness is recognizing that someone else owes me something and simply releasing them of that debt.
You don't owe me, your debt isn't paid, but I don't want your money. It's done, it's over. It's gone.
My price is Paid-In-Full by Jesus of Nazareth, so I don't want your funny-paper. I do want my joy back, and that is something I can get for myself.